Saturday, August 27, 2016

When I say I have a "good man" this is what I mean...



When some women say they have a "good" man they mean he tells her that he loves her, might buy her things sometimes, may want to marry her, may or may not cheat,has a degree,job or car.

They leave out the entitlement issues,the controlling behavior, verbal abuse, abusive behavior, the ways he puts down other women, the victim mindset,pessimist attitude hiding behind positive quotes and scriptures.

I don't boast about my man, but when I speak on him being a high quality good man I don't mean any of those things.

Character is 100% to me. When I vetted him I did a thorough investigation on him and here is what stood out to me:

I have never seen him publicly shame women for their sexuality or for being a single mother.

No entitlement issues.

He wouldn't ask me for financial help if he needed it because he does not believe men should ask women for money and resources.He believes in getting off of his ass to get it. I am not saying there is anything wrong with helping your partner in a relationship, but many times men take advantage of women this way and NEVER grow up because they are used to mommy or some woman bailing them out.

Never seen him blame anything bad or mistakes in his life on Dwight man or the devil.

He wasn't fishing for attention from women.

He minds his business and does not go out of his way to put down anyone. I don't have to lecture him at the elementary school level of what it means to respect someone else.

He's tries his best to learn as many life skills as possible. He's been fixing computers since his early teenage years. He is an avid learner and knows how to adapt to what is working around him.

He will provide and do nice things for me without asking(I have yet to pay for a date and we are going on 2 years together),but he is also a budget-eer that actually tracks every dollar he spends and will not overspend just to make me happy. I respect that he puts his foot down and is committed to his saving goals. I have not had to suffer either. He treats me well.

He has a plan for his life and works toward it daily. He will cut out anybody that does not add value. Family included.

He knows how to tell others no. He does not believe in wasting time or suffering for others. He doesn't care about appearing mean for saying no.

He cares about his health.

He doesn't let anyone bitch him out. He may be a "nice guy" but he is not gonna let anyone THINK they can disrespect him in ANY manner.

He loves his mother. After spending time with her a few times with her I can see where he get his go getter mentality,strong mind, and heart from.

He will give me the honest truth about anything I ask. Even things he wasn't proud of. He owns his past mistakes, flaws, and believes in personal freedom.

He thinks for himself.

He invests in himself and me.

He doesn't ask for permission to "let" him be a man.

He can admit that I'm smarter than him in many ways and he doesn't feel like less of a man. He loves that he doesn't have to teach me basic things and that we can have intelligent discourse.

He has never told me how I should dress or how to feel about misogynoir. The only time he ever mentions anything about how I dress is when I ask for feedback and he is being realistic about how men around me would treat me if I wore it. I can wear my stomach out and he not treat me like property telling me to cover up. He doesn't tell me to "turn the other cheek when it comes to the way I should feel about how Black women are treated.

He sticks to his word. Consistency is everything. I trust him because he sticks to his word...

He never raises his voice at me or tries to ever put me down. We don't argue and yell at each other. He doesn't need to because he isn't trying to prove his manhood to me or exert authority over me. We just so happen to have similar communication styles where we aren't holding back who we are, but also being mindful of why someone would feel a certain way about a thing. We have disagreements but we can come to some solution even if it is just understanding WITHOUT yelling at the top of our lungs at each other.

He isn't clingy or extremely needy.

He does not believe in struggle love.He does not believe women should put all of their resources into a relationship for a lazy man.

He does not praise himself for basic shit . There are times I praise him on something small and because he is a high achiever he will say "I haven't really done anything"

He never asked me to build him up or help him become a man. He knows he is responsible for himself. He came to me being a man. He wants my encouragement and support, not coddling and carrying him.

He has supported me at my lowest points and never treated me like a burden. He made the conscious choice to love me and support me through thick and thin. So many times I have

He ain't perfect. But he is perfect for me. 

He's ambitious, strategic,resourceful, respectful, loyal,and loving.

And this is not a post where I am just bragging on my man( I can't help but to sometimes), but this is to show you what is possible. I do believe men like him are rare, but you have to believe that love exists and HEALTHY relationships exist even if it doesn't mirror MINE.

And you have to understand that you DON'T have to settle for anything you don't want!


Podcast with Felix Wright on Life, Liberty, and Love

I had such a great time speaking having conscious dialogue with my friend and author Felix Wright.In this podcast, we ditch on things like parenting, self love, love, and freedom.

What was your favorite part of the podcast?




Friday, August 26, 2016

Accept them as they are or leave

Accept people for who they are and if you can't accept them let them go.
In many relationships people don't think for themselves,but instead they want to do what everyone else said they should be doing instead of figuring out what they really want.
Listening to somebody else's script will always leave you confused and trying to control others.

For instance, how many women have been told they need to find a "good Christian man" to have a good relationship?

What happens is these women will find a man they really like and realize he isn't that "good Christian man". He's just a decent man so somewhere down the road they try to change this man and try to get him to read the Bible,go to church, etc

What does the man do?

Push back.
He feels like "damn why you trying to change me? I treat you good why isn't that enough"
When you try to change people you weaken the connection and push them away.

If you want a "good Christian man" then stand firm on your standards and find a man already where you want him to be instead of trying to mold him.

And really think about if you're trying to change this man because you need to be in control or if you wanna change him to please others.

Man or woman, people are not your projects to work on and mold! Stop trying to change people! People change when they are good and got damn ready. I promise you that if they change for you it won't be long before they revert back to their old ways. They'll even grow resentment for feeling like they have to sacrifice who they are for you.

Do you like when people tell you that they must do XYZ for you before they can fully love you and accept you? NOOOO because you have every right to be who you want to be or be who you really are.

If they are an asshole and you hate it then why are you with them? Are you with them because you are in love with their body parts and the thought of them?

It is COMPLETELY possible to find someone who is good in bed and good to you at the same time so why are you settling? You DON'T have to settle!

If someone just isn't your cup of tea then accept it. Sure you're not gonna find someone that does 100% of things the way you want them to, but thinking you can turn a Tyrone into a Denzel is not being realistic.

It isn't your JOB to mold and create people. You can not "build a boo"!

I personally don't want anyone that will do everything I say do and change everything for me because that makes them MY BITCH. Maybe you are into that kind of thing, but I like having a PARTNER to LOVE not a robot or do-boy.

I am willing to bet that outside of things like finances and cheating, a good bit of relationship problems stem from people trying to change each other and fighting about it.

Simple solution to loads of arguments about petty shit and big issues like cheating, verbal abuse, neglect, etc:

Accept them as they are or leave.

If you have some friends that need to hear this share this post and let's discuss on my fan page 

When you love yourself you don't take men's shit

People have this love thing confused...

And especially women...we've been conditioned to believe that all men are stupid and that lots of struggle is necessary in relationships so we are supposed to put up with men's shit and pray and hope he gets it right the next time.

Especially Black women, we've been conditioned to treat men like our sons and that love is all about giving this man all of you and hope he appreciates your effort and changes.
You're doing it wrong. The "you must love yourself before anyone else can" is something you've heard all of your life but you don't follow it because you don't know what self love means.

You've been doing it backwards thinking that if you find someone who allegedly loves you that now you can love yourself because they've proved you are a good person after all.
When you love yourself you don't wait on another person to love you. You don't need another person to love you and you don't put up with men's BS.

When you love yourself you don't do all this pampering yourself and putting yourself first then get in a relationship and lose yourself and put self last. Nooo!! You ALWAYS comes first.

When you love yourself you don't hurt yourself, you don't lie to yourself, neglect yourself,abuse yourself, you don't bring unnecessary drama and stress to yourself so why are you accepting it from a man??

I can assure you that as long as you don't love yourself you will always attract men that do not value you or love themselves.

A man who loves himself has NO problem loving with you loving yourself.
Be real with yourself and ask yourself if you would treat yourself the same way a man treats you.

If you can't answer then it's time to let it go and work on loving YOU.

No one is gonna treat you better than YOU treat you. Stop taking men's shit and own the fact that you need to love on YOU a little more.



#‎Mammynomore‬ ‪#‎CreWisdom‬ #SayNotoStruggleLove