When some women say they have a "good" man they mean he tells her that he loves her, might buy her things sometimes, may want to marry her, may or may not cheat,has a degree,job or car.
They leave out the entitlement issues,the controlling behavior, verbal abuse, abusive behavior, the ways he puts down other women, the victim mindset,pessimist attitude hiding behind positive quotes and scriptures.
I don't boast about my man, but when I speak on him being a high quality good man I don't mean any of those things.
Character is 100% to me. When I vetted him I did a thorough investigation on him and here is what stood out to me:
I have never seen him publicly shame women for their sexuality or for being a single mother.
No entitlement issues.
He wouldn't ask me for financial help if he needed it because he does not believe men should ask women for money and resources.He believes in getting off of his ass to get it. I am not saying there is anything wrong with helping your partner in a relationship, but many times men take advantage of women this way and NEVER grow up because they are used to mommy or some woman bailing them out.
Never seen him blame anything bad or mistakes in his life on Dwight man or the devil.
He wasn't fishing for attention from women.
He minds his business and does not go out of his way to put down anyone. I don't have to lecture him at the elementary school level of what it means to respect someone else.
He's tries his best to learn as many life skills as possible. He's been fixing computers since his early teenage years. He is an avid learner and knows how to adapt to what is working around him.
He will provide and do nice things for me without asking(I have yet to pay for a date and we are going on 2 years together),but he is also a budget-eer that actually tracks every dollar he spends and will not overspend just to make me happy. I respect that he puts his foot down and is committed to his saving goals. I have not had to suffer either. He treats me well.
He has a plan for his life and works toward it daily. He will cut out anybody that does not add value. Family included.
He knows how to tell others no. He does not believe in wasting time or suffering for others. He doesn't care about appearing mean for saying no.
He cares about his health.
He doesn't let anyone bitch him out. He may be a "nice guy" but he is not gonna let anyone THINK they can disrespect him in ANY manner.
He loves his mother. After spending time with her a few times with her I can see where he get his go getter mentality,strong mind, and heart from.
He will give me the honest truth about anything I ask. Even things he wasn't proud of. He owns his past mistakes, flaws, and believes in personal freedom.
He thinks for himself.
He invests in himself and me.
He doesn't ask for permission to "let" him be a man.
He can admit that I'm smarter than him in many ways and he doesn't feel like less of a man. He loves that he doesn't have to teach me basic things and that we can have intelligent discourse.
He has never told me how I should dress or how to feel about misogynoir. The only time he ever mentions anything about how I dress is when I ask for feedback and he is being realistic about how men around me would treat me if I wore it. I can wear my stomach out and he not treat me like property telling me to cover up. He doesn't tell me to "turn the other cheek when it comes to the way I should feel about how Black women are treated.
He sticks to his word. Consistency is everything. I trust him because he sticks to his word...
He never raises his voice at me or tries to ever put me down. We don't argue and yell at each other. He doesn't need to because he isn't trying to prove his manhood to me or exert authority over me. We just so happen to have similar communication styles where we aren't holding back who we are, but also being mindful of why someone would feel a certain way about a thing. We have disagreements but we can come to some solution even if it is just understanding WITHOUT yelling at the top of our lungs at each other.
He isn't clingy or extremely needy.
He does not believe in struggle love.He does not believe women should put all of their resources into a relationship for a lazy man.
He does not praise himself for basic shit . There are times I praise him on something small and because he is a high achiever he will say "I haven't really done anything"
He never asked me to build him up or help him become a man. He knows he is responsible for himself. He came to me being a man. He wants my encouragement and support, not coddling and carrying him.
He has supported me at my lowest points and never treated me like a burden. He made the conscious choice to love me and support me through thick and thin. So many times I have
He ain't perfect. But he is perfect for me.
He's ambitious, strategic,resourceful, respectful, loyal,and loving.
And this is not a post where I am just bragging on my man( I can't help but to sometimes), but this is to show you what is possible. I do believe men like him are rare, but you have to believe that love exists and HEALTHY relationships exist even if it doesn't mirror MINE.
And you have to understand that you DON'T have to settle for anything you don't want!
Character is 100% to me. When I vetted him I did a thorough investigation on him and here is what stood out to me:
I have never seen him publicly shame women for their sexuality or for being a single mother.
No entitlement issues.
He wouldn't ask me for financial help if he needed it because he does not believe men should ask women for money and resources.He believes in getting off of his ass to get it. I am not saying there is anything wrong with helping your partner in a relationship, but many times men take advantage of women this way and NEVER grow up because they are used to mommy or some woman bailing them out.
Never seen him blame anything bad or mistakes in his life on Dwight man or the devil.
He wasn't fishing for attention from women.
He minds his business and does not go out of his way to put down anyone. I don't have to lecture him at the elementary school level of what it means to respect someone else.
He's tries his best to learn as many life skills as possible. He's been fixing computers since his early teenage years. He is an avid learner and knows how to adapt to what is working around him.
He will provide and do nice things for me without asking(I have yet to pay for a date and we are going on 2 years together),but he is also a budget-eer that actually tracks every dollar he spends and will not overspend just to make me happy. I respect that he puts his foot down and is committed to his saving goals. I have not had to suffer either. He treats me well.
He has a plan for his life and works toward it daily. He will cut out anybody that does not add value. Family included.
He knows how to tell others no. He does not believe in wasting time or suffering for others. He doesn't care about appearing mean for saying no.
He cares about his health.
He doesn't let anyone bitch him out. He may be a "nice guy" but he is not gonna let anyone THINK they can disrespect him in ANY manner.
He loves his mother. After spending time with her a few times with her I can see where he get his go getter mentality,strong mind, and heart from.
He will give me the honest truth about anything I ask. Even things he wasn't proud of. He owns his past mistakes, flaws, and believes in personal freedom.
He thinks for himself.
He invests in himself and me.
He doesn't ask for permission to "let" him be a man.
He can admit that I'm smarter than him in many ways and he doesn't feel like less of a man. He loves that he doesn't have to teach me basic things and that we can have intelligent discourse.
He has never told me how I should dress or how to feel about misogynoir. The only time he ever mentions anything about how I dress is when I ask for feedback and he is being realistic about how men around me would treat me if I wore it. I can wear my stomach out and he not treat me like property telling me to cover up. He doesn't tell me to "turn the other cheek when it comes to the way I should feel about how Black women are treated.
He sticks to his word. Consistency is everything. I trust him because he sticks to his word...
He never raises his voice at me or tries to ever put me down. We don't argue and yell at each other. He doesn't need to because he isn't trying to prove his manhood to me or exert authority over me. We just so happen to have similar communication styles where we aren't holding back who we are, but also being mindful of why someone would feel a certain way about a thing. We have disagreements but we can come to some solution even if it is just understanding WITHOUT yelling at the top of our lungs at each other.
He isn't clingy or extremely needy.
He does not believe in struggle love.He does not believe women should put all of their resources into a relationship for a lazy man.
He never asked me to build him up or help him become a man. He knows he is responsible for himself. He came to me being a man. He wants my encouragement and support, not coddling and carrying him.
He has supported me at my lowest points and never treated me like a burden. He made the conscious choice to love me and support me through thick and thin. So many times I have
He ain't perfect. But he is perfect for me.
He's ambitious, strategic,resourceful, respectful, loyal,and loving.
And this is not a post where I am just bragging on my man( I can't help but to sometimes), but this is to show you what is possible. I do believe men like him are rare, but you have to believe that love exists and HEALTHY relationships exist even if it doesn't mirror MINE.
And you have to understand that you DON'T have to settle for anything you don't want!
